Have you ever noticed that the people you are attracted to most are the ones who enjoy other people’s energy and engage with people around them? They are self-assured, approachable, lead conversations, and feel comfortable in large groups. They are often adaptable to any situation and innovative when problems arise and they’re often more willing to express themselves openly and make clear their preferences or choices. If we notice, these personality traits aren’t much common in most of us. There are several reasons behind this that I would like to mention below:
· Most of us can’t engage with new people and become anxious, awkward, and silent around them.
· Even if we want to talk to them, we stop because of the shyness and we are afraid of being cringy and rejected.
· Sometimes we are looking for another person to lead the conversation with us but end up just gazing.
· We walk up to a group of friends talking. Stand there awkwardly while waiting for one of them to notice you.
Well actually, I’ve faced the same problem since my teenage. I used to feel anxious insecure around strangers and had a scarcity mindset in terms of making friends and social relations. I can’t release the pressure of the first interaction and wasn’t able to continue the conversation smoothly. The people I randomly met just became my friends naturally due to the time we spent together in the same place. I wasn’t approaching anyone for friendship or social relations even in my freshman year at university! Often this is not the lack of confidence you’re facing instead it’s just the habits that you are following over the years without even noticing. Also, I wasn’t a bookworm or home alone person instead I loved going to events and enjoying parties. The main problem I was facing then was the lack of communication skills.
Luckily, I’ve got a lot of chances to meet the charismatic charming people in my life. The people who lead the conversation, probably they are great storytellers and their presence makes me feel comfortable. I just followed their frame and observed that:
1. When they make eye contact and you feel that they’ve noticed you, they approach you and open up according to your scenario and introduce themselves.
2. It doesn’t matter at all that what they say but how they say is the weapon of these people. Their non-verbal cues, vocal tonality, and body language are just really on the point, so natural and confident that just release the pressure from you.
3. They don’t go into the details and make pauses during a conversation that just naturally makes you invest in the conversation.
4. They don’t come over with the bundle of questions instead they make statements and start light vibing about things and give you conversational threads to talk about.
5. At least In their first interaction, they don’t focus a bit on themselves instead their total focus is on others. They don’t care about their appearance and clothing which makes them likable.
6. None of them was born with such skills. They just learned to communicate with anyone after practicing and approaching hundreds of people and end up developing their personality by following multiple techniques and tactics.
It’s not about that we cannot socialize instead it’s just the phenomenon of changing mindset to do so. Since then I learned a lot about it through different resources. Eventually, that thing just forced me to practice the whole stuff to make my conversation skills better than ever. This changed my vision from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset in terms of making friends. Now I am daily approaching around 10 to 12 people everywhere I go and the interactions are becoming better at each try. The conversations are getting so smooth and constructive that the person I meet likes to talk more, even ask for the number, and wants to meet in the future again.
There’s not any trick or magic to connect with people also not any particular way to open up, just be natural and don’t try to impress. Your main goal is to awake a certain emotional response in that person and then make them tie those emotions with you. How you make them feel is the main concern. Making social connections is important if you’re an outgoing person. This makes you feel stronger and happier.
According to my vision the most valuable skill, which greatly affects your life and even covers your flaws if you’re not good at your professional life is the “art of communication with any person”. You don’t have to be super smart and logical to gain success in professional life and I’ve seen several intelligent people failing because they don’t know how to interact with people and talk smoothly. On the other hand, the people who are a great conversationalists and charismatic always lead in their professional life.
Personality development is a fascinating topic to know and improving our lives. Developing and mastering social skills is just a game of trial and error. Here are some important points which I think everyone should keep in mind as a beginner when it comes to learning the cold approaches.
ü Most people put the cart before the horse and get into the cycle of thinking that they’re not good at socializing so they never actually do it. The most effective way to get started is to stop thinking like this and to realize that you’ll never get better at something if you don’t try.
ü The main reason why shy people have trouble socializing with others is that they focus more on themselves than on the other person during interactions. The truth is that if you consider yourself to be shy, you’ll need to figure out the root cause such as low self-esteem.
ü Many people shy away from talking with others because they feel like they don’t have much in common between them. But there is a simple remedy for this. A simple tactic to help you come out of your shell is to always ensure you are up to date with current affairs. Knowing what is going on in the world can go along way in helping you relate to people about the happenings of the day.
ü Start by approaching strangers even if you’re scared and talk to them. Maybe you have no problem talking to people who you’re close to but you freeze up when talking to someone new. You should know from the start that your first few interactions will probably suck and you might even look like a weirdo but you will improve quickly. Make mistakes and learn from them.
In conclusion, I just want to say that after you start approaching people, you’ll experience different results based upon the traits of extraversion and introversion in human personalities. Just practice, practice, and practice to become above average!
